I recently joined the Entrepinayship Toastmasters group and I gave my first speech, the Icebreaker. Typically, the Icebreaker speech is used to introduce yourself, the reason why you joined Toastmasters, and your speaking goals. I swayed from the usual route and introduced myself by sharing my journey in becoming a mother as an imperfect planner with an appreciation for luck and possibility.
My number one love, next to my daughter and my husband, is checking off a task from my to-do list.
That feeling of ink to paper means I am an achiever.
I also love making that list in the first place.
Getting all of the have to’s, the should’s, the dreams, organized and prioritized, into a strategic, step-by-step plan gave me a sense of purpose, accomplishment, and satisfaction.
One month before my 19th birthday, I had the perfect plan.
I moved out of my parents’ home to live closer to my boyfriend.
We would graduate from college by age 22. Be married by 23. Have our first child by 24. And continue having children until we had 5 beautiful babies before I turned 36. Because you know 40– your body’s done by then.
And then I decided to stay in Southern California when he moved back home. I decided to break up with my next boyfriend who called me names when he was angry. I made decisions that moved me away from my original plan.
Eventually, I fell in love with the most important person – myself – and then fell in love with someone who loved all of me too.
At the still young age of 29, I was now on the fence about having children.
I loved my business. I loved having fun with Cory. And my sister had two kids.
I was the awesome Auntie, picking them up from school, playing with them, taking them to museums and parks, and then give them back.
It wasn’t until I was 36, the age I thought I would have the five kids, that I knew I was ready for one.
I watched how my niece would hug her Mommy and I wanted that too.
I started to do all of the things – ate a healthy diet, stopped drinking, tracked my temperature, and calendared our “dates”.
I planned and we implemented, but test after test – I was disappointed, heartbroken, and failed every single time, month after month for years.
There are only so many times you can get your heart broken before you start to harden up.
When my sister came running into my mom’s house, gleefully sharing that’s pregnant with her third when they weren’t even trying.
I’m not going to ruminate on why not me any longer. I was done.
I threw myself back into work. We adopted a lot of animals and they were all my babies. And that gave me the space to focus on my next plan.
To travel the world and have an online business.
It took some convincing, but eventually, my husband and I sold everything and moved into an RV.
We celebrated our newfound freedom, partying every night with BBQ’s, cocktails, and lots of “dates”.
Nothing is sexier than paying off debt, and living in a space that is so small, you are constantly bumping body parts into each other.
On our way back from an RV trip to Washington State, I mentioned to Cory, “I haven’t had my period in a couple of months. I think I should see my acupuncturist to get me regular again.”
He said, “Take a pregnancy test to rule that out.”
I laughed at the absurdity. I’m 42. Cory’s 49 “Fine. We’ll rule it out.”
At our campsite in Oregon, we BBQ’d, drank, and partied.
In the middle of the night, I wake up to go to the bathroom. I had to go to the bathroom a lot recently.
In the dark, I take out the test we bought at the store on the way to the campsite.
I’m too sleepy to wait for the results. I climb back into bed and go back to sleep.
I wake up to the sun shining through the blinds. I have to go to the bathroom again and I remember that test. I pick it up for a quick look before throwing it in the trash.
I stared at the little window. Is that a second line?
I laughed, jumping up and down, making the RV shake. I cried and screamed,” I’m pregnant!”
Cory palmed his face and made an old man sigh. I laughed at him. Guess what I did next?
I started making new plans.
I know that not everything goes according to plan. The past three years have been proof of that.
And my daughter has taught me an important lesson. All of these plans mean nothing —
If I’m not open to possibility,
If I stop dreaming,
Or if I stop cherishing every step of the journey, no matter how long it takes or how difficult it is.
Eddie Huang said that “People talk about perfect timing, but I think everything is perfect in its moment.”
Everything lined up, in its perfect plan.
We have a business that supports us,
A family that helps us,
And at my old age of 45 (ha!), I have the patience, maturity, and wisdom to not take any second I have with her for granted.
My life didn’t go as planned, but it was perfectly timed.